IBM has been trailing Oracle in the data warehouse market share for years now. To make IBM products more attractive they have just put some shizzel into the DB2 warehouse offerings.
IBM have long trailed Oracle in the data warehouse market share. They have also been feeling the heat from below with competitors HP and Microsoft getting more aggressive in the enterprise market. So recently IBM came out with a new range of data warehouse products which break with IBM tradition. They do not have boring product names! So here is my fictional recreation of the creation of the new product names to change the way IBM is perceived by small and medium business and put the shizzel into the IBM warehouse:
A group of engineers got together and came up with a range of product bundles that would do this. Someone from marketing showed up and asked them what it would be called.
"It’s the IBM DB2 BCU DWE" they replied. 数据挖掘研究院
"Tell me what that means in five seconds" said the head marketer. 数据挖掘研究院
"Well, it’s the Balanced Configuration Unit with the DB2 Data Warehouse Edition for..." 数据挖掘研究院
"Buzz. You lost. Wrong answer. If you were in a presentation half the people in the room just fell asleep and the other half were lost after the word Balanced."
"Well it’s worked well in the past! Most of our large enterprise CIOs know what it means." At this point the marketing people herded the engineers towards a broom closet and locked them inside and start pouring out glasses of expensive wine for a brain storming session.
"What are we looking for in a name" they asked each other as they fiddled with PDAs and refilled their glasses.
"It’s got to be a name that is easy to remember", said one.
"And it’s got to have a positive and calming feel. Because people who are thinking about implementing a data warehouse are on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Or soon will be." Said another helpfully.
"And we need to convince everyone that it is the best product on the market, for example we could name it after luxury cars."
So the marketing people let the engineers out of the broom closet (where they hadn’t found the door handle yet because it wasn’t in the building blueprint one of them had loaded onto his PDA) and told them about the new product names. 数据挖掘研究院
Balanced Warehouse C Class for small data warehouse.
Balanced Warehouse D Class for medium data warehouses. 数据挖掘研究院
Balanced Warehouse E Class for medium data warehouses. 数据挖掘研究院
"Ooh that’s good" said the engineers. 数据挖掘研究院
"Can we call it the BWCC, BWDC and BWEC?" Asked one who was promptly locked back in the broom closet.
"This is going to need some press releases" said a marketer who was already drafting one on his PDA.
"Yes" said another who was drafting a memo on his PDA, "but it needs more shizzel! Balanced Warehouse just isn’t making me feel anything in the pants department."
"IBM releases new range of data warehouse products with extra software and better hardware?" Suggested an engineer who wasn’t locked in the broom closet but soon would be. 数据挖掘研究院
"No" said the Head Marketer. "We need some special shizzel. Those engineers have been working on this one for a long time." He took an especially large sip of wine while everyone looked on expectently.
"IBM Launches Next Generation of Business Intelligence With Dynamic Warehousing" he said grandly. There was a scattering of applause, he was after all the Head Marketer. 数据挖掘研究院
"Next we need a symbol, an icon, something that shows how simple, yet complex, yet graceful it all is."
"Those origami birds on Prison Break are pretty cool." 数据挖掘实验室
